Race Day

I completed my first ever 10k race today!  It was a Zoo Run!  The day was beautiful and temps were unbeatable!  It was a bit chilly this morning, but about 53 degrees at the start of the race.  Just perfect!

Here we are at the start.  Rachel thought it was a bit too bright.  So, it was just me and road today, no tunes.  I could have had some tunes, but didn't know it until it was too late.  Normally, you aren't allowed to wear headphones in a race, but I guess this one was different.  They seemed a tad bit unorganized, but not too bad.  The timing devices did malfunction though.  :) 

Here I am about to cross the finish line.  I don't know what my "official" time was because of the malfunction, but I did use my watch and according to that I finished at 1:00:58.  I was hoping to be under an hour, but I was sure close!  I think it was the extra .2 that cost me the time, but that's ok.  I mainly wanted a practice run before the Half in November.  Here we are at the end.

Without my tunes I had to keep my mind busy for 6 miles so here's what you get...

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  Best sound of the day: "Listen to all those feet!!"  Said by a small boy on the sidelines at the start
  
  
  
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  Worst sound of the day:  The person a little behind me and slightly to my right who let it rip at about mile 3.
  
  
  
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  Funniest statement of the run:  "Who's got a Garmin?"  Woman in the race thru the wooded area
  
  
  
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  Most inspiring runner:  The little grandma I passed in mile 4 with her once-a-week-beauty-shop-hair just running away like it was no big deal
  
  
  
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  Best part of the day: rounding the corner and seeing the finish line and being able to hear my girls screaming "GO MOMMY! RUN MOMMY!!!" 
  
  
  

Runner's etiquette rant...

On the weekdays I run at the same time in the morning.  The alarm goes off at 5:00 am, and I somehow manage to drag (and I do mean drag) my sleepy butt out of bed about 5:12 am.   Running at the same time, I generally see the same trail travelers along my path.  I don't know their names or where they come from, but seeing them over and over, I've learned their faces, and I've memorized a few of their inspirational quotes on the back of t-shirts.  I've also learned a few of their running habits, good and bad.  Which brings me to my point of my frustration.

There is a particular female runner who I see nearly every run.  She runs with two other girls, but she is always in the same spot in the running pack - the outside.  As you can imagine, at that time of the morning the sun is not out to illuminate much, but the trail lights are all in working order and provide good light.  This aformentioned runner wears what I kindly refer to as a "miner's light" on her head.  I'm sure it has a snazzy, sporty, technical running name, but I think "miner's light" works good enough. 

The "pack of three" as I'll call them, are always running in the opposite direction of me.  When I see them up ahead I always roll my eyes and mutter to myself.  "Oh great, here she comes!"  The three of them run side-by-side, taking up the width of the trail with lots of space between them.  But for some reason miner's light gets to me the most.  Perhaps because she's on the closest to me.   I know she sees me, but yet she never moves, "THERE'S ROOM TO MOVE OVER!" I always want to scream, but it never comes out.  And she just waves at me as I have to tiptoe on the edge of the trail hoping I don't trip on a stick or something.  Seriously.  Is it really that hard to move just a little bit??  12 inches, that's really all I ask for, is that really so hard?

With this frustration in mind, here's what I would list as my Top 10 Runner's Etiquette Rules (a couple of these are borrowed):

1. In a group run, don't take over the road/sidewalk/trail. On sidewalks, especially, single-file it. Leave  room for someone to pass or otherwise get by without being run off the trail! (HELLO?!  Are ya feelin' me miner's light girl?!)
2. If you are injured - it's okay to whine a little. After that shut up. Everyone has their own problems.
3. Don't assume because someone is slower they want your coaching advice. Speed is not an indicator of knowledge. Slower does not mean dumber.
4. Don't wear really noisy clothing. If your running suit is so loud that you think some is chasing you, don't you think other runners might be alarmed as well?
5. Don't run through puddles and splash other runners unless you want to be chased and dunked.
6. They invented deoderant for you to use. Nothing is worse than a having to hold your breath to cruise past a runner who wears more Ben Gay than clothing. Likewise, don't wear 10 ounces of cologne either, you don't want someone to puke on you as they pass by.
7. Don't rock out too hard with your tunes.  Other runners do not necessarily find your squelching rendition of "Eye of the Tiger" particularly pleasing.
8. If you are running with a partner it is not necessary to yell your conversation to them.  I don't really need to know about the people who got busy in the stairwell in your building.
9. Don't run thru wet cement.  Not particularly a running shoe enhancement unless you are wanting to add a little weight training to your run.
10. "Looking good" is acceptable encouragement - (Unless of course you catch someone whizzing, or it is yelled by a passerby in a speeding car).  "Get the Lead out!" is not. (In either situation...)
    

A day in the life of...

OK! ENOUGH!  I am SICK to death of the rain!  Seriously?!?!  We had just enough sunshine this weekend to make us want more. Plus it's totally messing up my weekday morning runs.  The forecast says it'll be raining at 5am in the morning.  Ok, so, I'll just run after work - oh wait - scratch that - raining then too!  Ugh!  That leaves me only one dreaded option...the treadmill.  BLECH!  I know, I know, I should be grateful I have that option, but the treadmill is so not fun.  *sigh*

In other news, just pass that bad mom award to me.  I got home nearly one hour after I left work today (I told you we were getting serious rain) only to have Bekah meet me at the door, little indignent self with her hands on her hips and annoyance in her eyes, "Mommy, it was my day to bring snack and YOU didn't sent it so NOBODY got snack."  Oops.  Yeah, my bad.  I told Bekah I would email her teacher tomorrow to apologize.  Bekah ended her little scolding by saying, "I told you to start making a remember list!!"  Oh yeah, I think I remember that...

I'm going to bed now.

Look who's learning to use her camera!

I have always loved taking pictures.  Recenlty, I was inspired by The Pioneer Woman to really learn how to use my camera.  So, wonder of wonders, I actually read my user manual for my camera.  Who would have ever guessed it could hold such a wealth of information?  Not I!  I mean, after all, it's only the user manual.  What could it possibly tell me?  Umm...well...yeah...

With this new wealth of information about my camera I rounded up the girls for an adventure.  Half way into it the girls were calling it "the long journey."  Here's a few of my favorites.

These are all just straight out of the camera shots, no editing.  I'm not good enough for that yet, haha!  I still have a lot to learn, some of these shots got a little dark, but the good news is that now I know how to experiment with that and like all things practice makes perfect!

Farewell Friday!

Friday is just about over and I could not be more thrilled.  Not exactly the best of Fridays for many reasons of which I am not even going to attempt to regurgitate for you.

And 1 more makes 9

Tomorrow is "Long Run Saturday" as I so fondly call it these days.  I have actually gotten to the point that I enjoy it.  Yes, stop rubbing your eyes, I said ENJOY!  I can hardly believe it myself!  Tomorrow's run will leave me just 4.1 miles away from my goal.  Who ever would have thought I would or could run 13 miles?!  Certainly not me!  Here is part of the trail I'll see tomorrow.  Great view of the river.

Thursday morning's run brought a first for me and that was a run in the rain.  I got half way thru my run and onto my favorite bridge, when it started pouring rain.  I tried my best to tuck away my iPod and headphones, and to shield my phone as best as I could.  As I trudged along this was what was going thru my head:
     Rain Rain go away, you soaked me thru on my run today
     And if you ruined my iPod I say, there will, there will be hell to pay!
In response, my sister replied:
     Sarah, Sarah, Silly one.  Why take your iPod on your run?
     Fred Astaire showed us simple and plain
     You're supposed to sing and dance thru the rain!

Thought that was pretty good.  I leave you with a picture of my favorite bridge over the Arkansas river and bid you Adieu!

Poor Sad neglected blog...

So, nearly a YEAR later here we are. I'm not even going to attempt to recap, and I am not even sure anybody reads or will ever read this blog again. But look for updates to come...just for me, myself and I, if no one else at all...

2008 here were come!

It's absolutely impossible to recap the amount of change that has happened in our world just in the last month. For starters, December 1, the girls turned FOUR! ACK! I don't even know how this happened. They had a great party and here's just one pic of the indoor (yes, I could not even believe it myself) bouncer we had in the house.

The second week of Demember brought a heart surgery for my mom, which was very rough on her and she was slow to recover. At the same time we were hit by an ice storm - I really hate those. Here's what havoc that wreaked upon us. The pictures still make me ache a little. The girls had a little fun out on the ice though.

We made it through all that and got to the third week of December which brought with it the news that I didn't get the job I was so excited about, and that I was sure was meant for me. There's a lot more to this story, but I'll spare you absolutely insane details and leave it at that. Needless to say, both Fred and I were bitterly dissapointed. Ironically, Fred applied to a few different aircraft companies up the turnpike in Tulsa that same week.

Along came Christmas and we had an absolute fabulous time. The girls loved every minute of it. They made cookies for Santa (they got a little burnt, but Santa didn't seem to mind at all).

We spent the few days before Christmas in Tulsa with Fred's family. Here's our first gingerbread house.

Here are the girls using their cousins, Kevin and Paige, as horses.

We came back from Tulsa and celebrated Christmas with my family on the 26th. That's when they got their gift from mommy and daddy.

That about wraps up December, I think.

Now, for the big news of January. I've already mentioned that Fred applied for some jobs in Tulsa. Well, he was also interested in attending the Spartan College of Aeronautics that is there to get a degree and become a licensed airline mechanic. Yesterday a representative from the college came and talked to us and Fred applied and was told there should be no problem with him being accepted. They will also help him with job placement during school and after school and for the rest of his career. So, if he should lose his job, want a new one or different location the school continues to help with this. They will even help me find a job. So, that's the big news. We're moving to Tulsa!

It's unbelievable how this all happened really. Fred's start date is July, and can be earlier if we can arrange everything that quickly. So, we have to finish out our kitchen remodel and get this house on the market now. Be praying for us that everything will fall into place quickly and the transition is as smooth as possible for everyone. This will be a big change for not only us, but also for my parents who will really miss the girls. We'll keep you posted and I'll try to keep up with this blog a little more often. :)

Time Marches On

I know, I know, long time no blogging. Things have been in major upheaval lately which I'll explain as I go.

First of all, let me just say, Thanksgiving was wonderful. It was so great to spend time with my family with FOUR uninterrupted days of bliss. Tomorrow it's back to all the terrible issues that await me at work. My work phone died on Thursday evening and I had no charger for it (forgot it at work) and I didn't even think about it. I am really past the point of caring right now.

We celebrated this years festivities at my sister's new house and she cooked the turkey. We were all waiting in great suspense to see how it would turn out, but the self professed "black sheep cook" of the family did a fabulous job. My duties were the Apple crisp pie (Fred's absolute favorite), the green bean cassarole (my favorite), and the cranberry delight (my made up name for a wonderfully light fresh cranberry dessert from Fred's mom). I also did some bread. It was all great!

Now, it's on to Christmas, but first, it's the girls FOURTH (ACK!) birthday!!!!!! I cannot even believe it! But it will be great fun!

In other job related news, work has been awful. I have had yet another baby death. This will make three in two years. I don't know if it's worse, since I only work with drug affected infants, or what, but it doesn't really matter. It's all terrible and hard to deal with. Then the good news. In the last month I have applied for and been interviewed, twice, for a job as a legislative assistant to a state representative at our state capital. I am supposed to hear by the end of this week if I got it. Say a prayer that it works out. I know if it's what God wants it will, but I hate waiting. It would be normal hours and a pay raise. A truly wonderful thing!

The Bad Boo-Boo

Well, here it is, the first black eye...

Boy, is it a doozie! It looks just awful. It happened Monday evening. The girls were playing with their little two-seater kid swing that is in their playroom. Bekah was laying under it for some reason and Rachel didn't see her. She swung it and BAM!

Here it is Tuesday morning

So, it's gotten a little worse every day so far. Hopefully, it will start to heal up quickly. Of course, their school pictures would be next week. Maybe it will be at least faded enough to cover it with some concealer. Poor thing. I just cringe every time I see it. It looks so painful, but she says it doesn't hurt. I suppose it doesn't as she never complains about it.

When I told her she had a black eye she said, "No I don't, Mommy, my eyes are brown!" HA! Then yesterday she told me she was going to tell Rachel's teacher what happened to her eye. When I asked her if she was going to tell her own teacher too she matter-of-factly told me, "No, my teacher only talks about school things, she doesn't talk about boo-boo's." I just laugh. She has not idea how funny she is. A very literal girl, for sure.

It's a disease, no really, I promise!

Or so I say to my husband in very poor defense of my awful propensity to purchase footwear. Whether it's for me or the girls, I just have an awful time saying no. So, of all places I go to Walmart today to buy an onion...AN ONION! What do I walk out with? The tiniest little black Mary Janes with diamonds on the toes...plus...I have my eyes on the CUTEST black knee boots. Why do they make those darn little shoes so cute?! AAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!

It was not by accident that God gave us TWO girls. It was for my own good. If I just had one I know my willpower would utterly and completely fail and I could not stop myself. She would have at least 20 pair of shoes, I am sure. But, seeing as how everything must be doubled it puts and end to my impulsive shoe fettish. Oh the agony!

Poor Fred, he just looked at me with pity - or at least I hope that was the look on his face. I know he doesn't truly understand, after all, how could anyone who only owns four pair of shoes really relate?

Oh well. I would say that I need help or something cliche like that, but the truth is, I like it! I LOVE buying shoes. It's therapeutic...no really, I swear! :)

The Prodigal Kitty...

...has now returned. So, I researched my little fingers off and found "the" kitty on Ebay and we now have a new one. Bekah seemed a little suspect, but only for half a minute. Then she was elated to have her kitty back and has carried it everywhere since then.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, but I just have to say that every day I am just amazed at how much more I love my girls. It almost sounds crazy to say it that way, but it's so true. I am totally in awe of how much I absolutely enjoy their company. Sure were have our crazy, stressful, whiny (them and me) moments, but for the most part they are growing into these little tiny people that honestly amaze me.

It really hit me tonight. I didn't actually get to see them before bed time because I had to take a child to a shelter home two hours away. By the time I got home they had been in bed for two hours, but I called as they were getting ready for bed. Bekah got on the phone and had close to a five minute conversation with me. I was totally amazed since she usually avoids the phone (only the real ones, not play ones) like the plague. Rachel talked too, but only for a minute or two, but still a real feat.

I am so thankful for them. My life is so much more full and joyful since they came. They are a constant source of joy and help me find something to laugh about each day. And, since laughter is medicine for the heart I figure they will help me stay young for a very very long time!

Tragedy at the Zoo

I mean this slighty tounge-in-cheek, but mostly in all earnestness. We decided to take advantage of the cooler day (only in the upper 90's today) and take the girls to the zoo this evening. We haven't been since early May when the temps and humidity were of a bareable degree. We arrived and in good form. Everyone had had a nap, no potty issues today and we were all in a great mood. Bekah, as usual, had to take at least one very small kitty with her - not a big deal since she carries it and doesn't ask eveyone else to.

First on the list was, of course, the elephants. They always love those. Then rhino's. Next it was off to the Oklahoma Trails exhibit of the zoo to see all the animals you find in Oklahoma. First bobcats, then cougar, white-tailed deer, wild turkey's, bird house, then their favorite - the bat house along with spiders and owls. Then rounding the bend come the black bears, aquariums and last, but not least, the alligator pit. This is when sadness and sorrow overcame our otherwise great excursion.

Bekah had been faithfully showing her kitty every animal we had seen so far. Whether it be a field mouse or black bear, or snake, the kitty saw it. I had just lifted her up to see into the alligator pit and bid her a fair warning not to drop her kitty as we could not get her back. The breath from the last word still on my lips, my eyes beheld a tiny little kitty plummet into the pit below. This was not good.

Immediately great big tears began to fall from her eyes. "Mommy you have to get her." "Bekah, I can't get down there and even if I could those are alligators! They could bite my arm off!" She wailed - and I mean wailed! She refused to leave the scene. "I can't leave her, she will be so sad. I know she's scared" All said through great gasps and tears. Of course, there were no zoo keepers to be found. We looked - and looked. She was inconsolable. She wanted to see no more animals.

We finally did see a zoo employee who we told - not so much to get the kitty back, but it would probably not be the best thing if one of the alligators should decide to make a snack of the poor stuffed animal. And just if there were any hope at all of recovering the poor animal the lady not so kindly pointed out that there was no way it would be recovered.

We did end up walking around to see other animals. Eventually she did stop crying, but she never stopped talking about it. She insisted that she could not leave her kitty as it was her job to take care of her. I did the only thing I could think of to do. I told her that Jesus would watch over her kitty and take care of her since she couldn't and that the zoo keeper would get her out. It seemed to give her some relief, but I could tell the guilt she felt was great. It was really breaking my heart. It sounds so silly to say that, but it's not over the stuffed animal, it was over my poor Bekah. Even when we left she said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I dropped my kitty. I was supposed to take care of her." I just told her it was just a terrible accident and that she didn't mean for it to happen.

After we put the girls in bed tonight I heard them talking over the monitor. Rachel told Bekah she was so sorry about her kitty, but they could pray for her. And so they did. It was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. Rachel said, "Jedus, take of Bekah's kitty, don't let those green alligators get her."

So, while there was tragedy at the Zoo. What I learned from this was that my girls are learning to trust God. That they veiw him as very real, and that He cares about whatever we care about. And that is not tragic in the least. The faith of a child -- how it can rock your world.

"Scared in Oklahoma"

So, I haven't really talked about this here, or in real life either (perhaps believing that if I don't speak it it won't be true), but my girls are going to pre-school this fall. Yes, I know, say it ain't so! I am still skaking my head in disbelief. To me they still seem so tiny and how could they really go to school??? ACK! Then, as if all these thoughts weren't bad enough I went to "parent's night" last night.

Oh my GOSH!

I am SO not ready for this. Not really for the girls -- but for me! Just the sheer thought of having to interact with other parents whose children will be in the same classes as the girls struck fear into the core of my being. Why, I have no clue. I felt so totally out of place, I saw other moms there who I went to college with...it just doesn't seem right. It my short 3.5 years as a parent (and as a DHS caseworker) I have discovered that parenting is really more political that politics itself. Why I am so intimidated by this new era in life, I cannot tell you. Hopefully I will look back in a month or so and laugh at myself.

"Our" first day is Friday....Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY!

Conversations with Bekah

Today was definitely a day to stay in bed. I slept very little last night as we were experiencing the first ever (as far as my memory serves) tropical depression in Oklahoma. LOTS of rain, wind and thunder. The latter being the biggest sleep disrupter. Then, to top it off, my dear husband was violently ill from whatever combination of things he had eaten. All this to say I don't really have anything great to post, but thought you would enjoy my recent (before the rain) conversation with a 3 year old.

Scene: I am getting water to water some hanging plants on the porch that were in serious need of some attention. Two little girls following closely behind.

Bekah: "Mommy, what are you getting that water for?"
Me: "For the plants so they won't die."
Bekah: "Yeah, like Scar, he makes everything dead." (think Lion King)
Rachel: "I don't like Scar. He's mean."
Bekah: "Well, I just have a little toy one, if that will be fine?"
Rachel: "OK"
Short pause here as I finish watering
Bekah: "Are they dead?"
Me: "Not yet, I hope they will be alright."
Bekah: "Yeah, when I'm dead I just can't wake up."
Me (Chuckling): "Bekah, you have never been dead."
Bekah: "Oh, I haven't? I guess I was just taking a little nap then."

I will miss terribly these days of such conversations. Part of me wishes I could just freeze frame this time and prolong it. Alas, I know it won't last forever. I will enjoy every minute that it's here.

Hotter than Hades!

I really don't know what Hell feels like (and don't want to know), but I think it must be something about like it feels in Oklahoma these days. You step outside and the heat and humidity immediately hit you in the face. Instantly you feel as if you can't breathe. Your steering wheel in your car is too hot to touch and your burning half a tank of gas for your car air conditioner to be on full blast. All to no avail as you sweat profusely to wherever you may be headed.

So, what can one do for a little escape? We decided to go to the dollar movies. Not just me and the Mr., though, we actually took the girls! Yes, that's right it was their first actual movie in the theatre! We took them to see Shrek: The Third. They loved it, and they did great! We were so proud of them. Shrek is a family affair. Our first date (or date incognito, depending on who is telling the story) was to see Shrek. Then we saw the second Shrek right before the girls were born. Now, the Third we actually got to take them to. We are hitting so many milestones right now it's just incredible.

Before I know it I'll be teaching them to drive. OY!

So....here's what I have been up to the last three months

For starters....I went to Mary Kay Seminar in Dallas at the end of July. Had a total BLAST! a wonderful four days with my MK unit members, heard some great speaches from our Nationals and totally got re-energized!

Here's my Cadillac convertible I'll be driving when I debut as a National Sales Director!

For fun, here's a pic of Me, Lauren and Kathy in the back of the new smokey gray Pontiac Vibe that consultants can earn....or the new gray Pontiac G6 which I intend to be driving by Christmas!

Seminar was just way too much fun! We were so busy and it was SO hot, but worth every minute.

I learned a lot of great things and have been putting them into action this month. My goal is to gold medal this month. That means 5 new recruits for the month. I have one new one so far. Four more to go!

Then there's this.......

Whether it's a mid-life (I don't actually think 30 is anywhere near mid-life) crisis or "girl gone wild" or whatever you would call it, I don't know. But, Tuesday night I did this......

That's right, yours truly is now a tattooed girl. I can hardly believe it myself! The guy who did it (who actually goes to my church, come to find out) thought I was kidding when I told him where I wanted it. Told me it was one of the most painful places to put a tattoo, but if I didn't get it there I really didn't want to get it. Why that spot, I am not sure....other than I can cover it very easily :) Anyhow, I figured if I could survive a c-section of two children in one sitting surely I could brave this. And I did! I think he was truly amazed. I did not "cry, scream or cuss" and he told me I would. Anyhow, I totally love it. It's not a great picture and I'll post some better ones tomorrow, but my sister has to send them to me first.

Why a bee you ask? Well, did you know that scientifically it makes no sense that the bee can fly? It's true. His wings should not be able to support his large body, but somehow, by the design of God, he flys. So, I say it is the same with me. It's a reminder that obstacles will never make me give up. If I really believe I can do it, I will. I will dare to believe that I can achieve God's best for my life. That's it....in a bee hive!

Cal-na-fornia

This is how Bekah says it. Cracks me up. Their favorite movie right now is "Cars". We routinely hear quotes from the movie at random times. Like today at the store, they are in my basket playing with the "yogrit" as they call it, and Rachel is just having a conversation with herself. Out of nowhere I hear: "Crazy grandpa car!" Then she and Bekah erupt in goofy laughter.

The other day I hear Bekah say to Rachel: "That's OK, Stickers, you can take Bessy." And this one: "Go take a car wash, hippie!" It's just too funny! Goes to show you that you really DO have to be careful what you let them watch!

Well, tonight as they are having their ritual Saturday night bath to prepare for church tomorrow, Bekah tells her yellow duckie: "I got to get of this town and get to Cal-na-fornia." HAHAHAHA!

Tomorrow, if I can remember how to download the pictures from my camera, I will post some very cute pictures of the girls playing with my wedding veil.

Jaded?

Today was a typical Monday. Full of the weekend's messes that had to be mended in the world of Child Welfare. This morning I sat in Court from 9am until 11:30am. Finally the Judge called my case. I say my case, but really I've only had the case for two months and it has had about 7 other workers since it was opened in 2001. Yes, you read that right. For 6 years now this case has been going through the system. No need to explain all the whys right now, but only to say that the mother on the case did not show this whole time I was waiting.

The minute after the judge sets a hearing for tomorrow morning for a default termination (meaning she didn't show they will terminate her rights by default), she walks through the door. The Judge, noticably irritated, calls all parties back to the bench. He asks her why she had not been there earlier. She stated she had to ride the bus. The Judge tells her he knows there are earlier buses that run by the Courthouse. The Judge asks mother's attorney how they wish to procede now since the case was actually set today for a Jury trial.

Her attorney takes her back and through a complicated series of events calls me over to say his client is going to relinquish her parental rights. Okay. So, I go back to my seat to wait for the Judge to recall our case and get a Court reporter to go on the record. We all get back to the bench and the Judge starts reading the relinquishment form. "You understand that by signing this document that you are voluntarily terminating your parental rights?" She nods yes, crying. "That no one has promised you anything in return for signing this document." "No" she says. "That you are entitiled to a jury trial in which the State would have the burden of proof to a jury to terminate your parental rights and by signing this you are giving up the right to a jury trial?" "What did you say before that?" She asks, crying more. Blank stares from every one. She looks at her lawyer, "Can I do that?" "Do what?" "That thing with the jury?" The judge looks at me in frustration. I look back, probably with the same look on my face. "Let's go off the record." Says the Judge. The lawyer takes the mother back into chambers again. You can hear him tell her that if she can't test clean today she won't stand a chance in front of the jury. Finally they come back out. She finishes her statement and that's it. After 6 long years in the system, the fight is over.

The thing is, when that moment at the bench came when seemingly the mother had changed her mind, I found myself thinking, "Oh my gosh, you cannot be serious that after 6 years you would put us all through a jury trial. Surely, you don't think any jury would give you the time of day as far as your children are concerned. I can't believe you are going to waste a whole week of my time in a trial when after 6 years you are still testing positive for drugs. Please just GET ON with it!"

Later that afternoon as I sat in another Judge's courtroom again awaiting my case to be called, I thought, have I really become so dispassionate so quickly? As she stood at the bench crying over rights given up for the four children she would never see again, was I so cold already that the only compassion I had was for my own time? On one hand I am angry at myself for feeling that way. Then, on the other, I am angry for four children who have spent the last 65 months in foster care hoping to go home, only to be told in the end it would never happen.

Where my compassion lies, I simply cannot say with certainty. But I find myself in the middle of a Monday Mess, wondering if there really is a "right" place to fall on this one. Wondering who it is that I have allowed this job to make me, and if there is a black and white when it comes to something like this. Or do I just live in the land of the Gray?

Bekah-isms

Where she got it, one cannot know, but Bekah seems to come up with the oddest things. Mostly noteably she refers to anything that happened "last night" as "yester night." It makes me chuckle every time I hear it:

Bekah: Daddy put me on pull-ups yesternight.
Me: Oh, he did?
Bekah: Yes, and I can not pee-pee in my bed becuase I'm just not posed to do that.

(At the zoo last week watching the Rhino's sans Daddy)
Bekah: Mommy, I need to take the baby Rhinocero (not a typo) home.
Me: Bekah, he cannot fit in our car
Bekah: But he needs to go in my room, I think
Me: I think she is a little big for your room, don't you? Where would she sleep?
Bekah: In my sleeping bag. I need to call Daddy so I can ask him.
Me: No.
Bekah: Yes, I do. We can just put him in the back of Papaw's pick-up.

(At the zoo today in the herpaterium)
Bekah: Oh d-d-d-dear (yes, we do see a lot of Pooh) look at that giant snake!!
Daddy: That's an Anaconda.
Bekah: An Anaconda? He's bigger than you Daddy!
Daddy: Yes, he is.
Bekah: We can not take him home. He might not like Elvis! (the cat)
Daddy: No, I don't think he would.
Bekah: And he cannot sleep in my room, either!

Random person: Oh, how cute, are they twins?
Me: Yes
Bekah: I'm not a twin, I'm Bekah
Person: You're not a twin sister?
Bekah: No, I'm just Bekah, that's all I am!

She is such a thinker, this girl. We are in for a real ride with her. I just know it!

Things are looking up!

It's been a rough winter for me. Some great things have happened, but "work-wise" it has just plain sucked. In October we lost a unit member and we all (my unit members) inherited four of her cases. Then, at the end of November we lost another unit member and we each received 5 of her cases. Then at the end of December we lost our supervisor. Then in January we lost our lead worker and each inherited 7 of her cases, bringing my total caseload to 39 cases. That is 91 children that were on my caseload. IMPOSSIBLE to try to manage, considering I am required to visit those children once per month. We had some people trying to help do visits, but some were reliable and some not so reliable. In all it was just a horrid mess.

I have really been struggling trying to juggle homelife, work and starting a new business. Let me tell you, it wasn't working AT ALL! My poor family has really been getting the short end of it.

This week we added two new unit members to our group and I was able to take 6 cases off my desk. 6 out of 39 is not huge, but for me it was fantastic! In a few more weeks I will lose probably another 5 cases to them and then we are also going to get a new lead worker that will take another 5 cases or so. That would get me back down to around 20 hopefully which is TOTALLY manageable. Policy states we are not to have more than 20, we will see if that actually happens. In the meantime, I am just thrilled to let go of even 6!

Also, I am pleased to announce that I have added my first team member in Mary Kay. I am really excited about that and hope to have a LOT more time to devote to MK now that my not so fun work is easing up. I am still have a blast doing MK. I have career conference coming up in March and another formal night and I know it will be a total blast!