Hooker Heels, Hills of Beans and Conspiracy Theories...

I know you just read that title and said to yourself, “W-T-F! She really has lost it now!” ….aaaannnndddd….there’s a distinct possibility you might be right. However, I’ve decided to have some fun in my world so I just really don’t care what you think (I say that with the utmost of love and respect for you). So, don’t waste your time with concerned emails or calls to me, please. :)

You know I love me some shoes! Always have, probably always will. Here I am at age the sweet age of four, sleeping with a new pair of cowboy boots. My mom says this was common practice for me after the acquisition of a new pair of shoes and after a couple instances of trying to persuade me to at least leave them on the nightstand, she gave up and decided if I hurt myself sleeping with shoes then it was on me.

I still own and love my cowboy boots (even in my blog pic I’m wearing them), but as I have grown and matured (this point could be debatable, but that’s another blog post entirely) I’ve come to love my dress heels I fondly refer to as my “hooker heels.” Not really because they are the “hooker” style (don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean), but just very tall. Well, OK, I admit some of them are pretty funky, but I refuse to own shoes with no personality. When you are 5’2” and the slacks you purchase in the “petite” section of the store are still too long, it’s comes down to the fact that heels are more fun to spend money on than alterations for slacks that should have been SHORT to begin with.

So, I bet you are still wondering where the “hill of beans” fit into all this? Yeah, I knew it. Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I’ll get there.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend (who shall remain nameless in effort to protect their secret identity) that actually resulted in texting a picture of the heels you see here with the caption “These,” to which my friend responded “These? That’s a weird brand name…” and of course I shot back, “I could tell you the brand name but I’m sure it wouldn’t make a hill of beans to you.” And from the there the conversation turned from whether or not I had actually laid eyes on a “hill of beans” but that said “hill” actually did exist and my friend had viewed the rather large “hill” but was not at liberty speak of it due to the fact that it was part of a secret government program along with the “whole ball of wax.”

When I expressed my concern in continuing on in this exchange of secret information lest I find myself in the possession of secret agents ready to take me away, my friend calmly informed me not to worry, all I would have to do is sample some Kool-Aid and tell them which flavor I liked the best. But since I don’t partake in the ingestion of chemically produced, highly sugared substances I chose to end the conversation.

Oh, by the way, did you know Starbucks is run by the CIA?

(Don’t worry, you’ll find the black cherry flavor isn’t so bad after all!)