Monday, February 06, 2012

Dear Dove Chocolate: Letters from a Lunatic, Vol III

Hug Someone Today
Dear Dove, I’m a little surprised at you. Don’t you know in this day and age a person can get into real trouble for doing something like this? Haven’t you ever heard of sexual harassment? What if I hugged somebody that didn’t want to be hugged? If I get sued over this one, you’ll be hearing from me…and my attorney. Sarah

Listen with Your Heart
Dear Dove, This is another one I’ve tried that just didn’t work out so well for me. My heart said he was nice, my heart said he was sweet…. So, I let myself get carried away…then my heart got broke. Apparently my heart needs some hearing aids. OK, now I’m gonna need about 10 more chocolate hearts to eat right away to console myself while I have a good cry. Thanks for nothing! Sarah

Exercise Your Heart
Dear Dove, After taking your advice on the following heart and wallowing in my 10 extra pieces, yes unfortunately, now my heart will need extra exercising to work off all the calories you made me eat after throwing me into the depths of despair. I figure I’m now going to have to run at least 5 extra miles just to work that off. UGH. You are not my friend! Sarah

Make Someone Melt Today
Dear Dove, Yeah, I’d sure like to make a few people melt today! Unfortunately, I don’t possess laser beam eyes that would melt them away in seconds. I tried throwing water on them, but they don’t melt like the Wicked Witch of the West, and it’s just too much work to carry around my huge boiling cauldron. I guess I’m just not cut out to be a Villain. Sadly, Sarah