Time Marches On

I know, I know, long time no blogging. Things have been in major upheaval lately which I'll explain as I go.

First of all, let me just say, Thanksgiving was wonderful. It was so great to spend time with my family with FOUR uninterrupted days of bliss. Tomorrow it's back to all the terrible issues that await me at work. My work phone died on Thursday evening and I had no charger for it (forgot it at work) and I didn't even think about it. I am really past the point of caring right now.

We celebrated this years festivities at my sister's new house and she cooked the turkey. We were all waiting in great suspense to see how it would turn out, but the self professed "black sheep cook" of the family did a fabulous job. My duties were the Apple crisp pie (Fred's absolute favorite), the green bean cassarole (my favorite), and the cranberry delight (my made up name for a wonderfully light fresh cranberry dessert from Fred's mom). I also did some bread. It was all great!

Now, it's on to Christmas, but first, it's the girls FOURTH (ACK!) birthday!!!!!! I cannot even believe it! But it will be great fun!

In other job related news, work has been awful. I have had yet another baby death. This will make three in two years. I don't know if it's worse, since I only work with drug affected infants, or what, but it doesn't really matter. It's all terrible and hard to deal with. Then the good news. In the last month I have applied for and been interviewed, twice, for a job as a legislative assistant to a state representative at our state capital. I am supposed to hear by the end of this week if I got it. Say a prayer that it works out. I know if it's what God wants it will, but I hate waiting. It would be normal hours and a pay raise. A truly wonderful thing!

The Bad Boo-Boo

Well, here it is, the first black eye...

Boy, is it a doozie! It looks just awful. It happened Monday evening. The girls were playing with their little two-seater kid swing that is in their playroom. Bekah was laying under it for some reason and Rachel didn't see her. She swung it and BAM!

Here it is Tuesday morning

So, it's gotten a little worse every day so far. Hopefully, it will start to heal up quickly. Of course, their school pictures would be next week. Maybe it will be at least faded enough to cover it with some concealer. Poor thing. I just cringe every time I see it. It looks so painful, but she says it doesn't hurt. I suppose it doesn't as she never complains about it.

When I told her she had a black eye she said, "No I don't, Mommy, my eyes are brown!" HA! Then yesterday she told me she was going to tell Rachel's teacher what happened to her eye. When I asked her if she was going to tell her own teacher too she matter-of-factly told me, "No, my teacher only talks about school things, she doesn't talk about boo-boo's." I just laugh. She has not idea how funny she is. A very literal girl, for sure.

It's a disease, no really, I promise!

Or so I say to my husband in very poor defense of my awful propensity to purchase footwear. Whether it's for me or the girls, I just have an awful time saying no. So, of all places I go to Walmart today to buy an onion...AN ONION! What do I walk out with? The tiniest little black Mary Janes with diamonds on the toes...plus...I have my eyes on the CUTEST black knee boots. Why do they make those darn little shoes so cute?! AAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!

It was not by accident that God gave us TWO girls. It was for my own good. If I just had one I know my willpower would utterly and completely fail and I could not stop myself. She would have at least 20 pair of shoes, I am sure. But, seeing as how everything must be doubled it puts and end to my impulsive shoe fettish. Oh the agony!

Poor Fred, he just looked at me with pity - or at least I hope that was the look on his face. I know he doesn't truly understand, after all, how could anyone who only owns four pair of shoes really relate?

Oh well. I would say that I need help or something cliche like that, but the truth is, I like it! I LOVE buying shoes. It's therapeutic...no really, I swear! :)

The Prodigal Kitty...

...has now returned. So, I researched my little fingers off and found "the" kitty on Ebay and we now have a new one. Bekah seemed a little suspect, but only for half a minute. Then she was elated to have her kitty back and has carried it everywhere since then.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, but I just have to say that every day I am just amazed at how much more I love my girls. It almost sounds crazy to say it that way, but it's so true. I am totally in awe of how much I absolutely enjoy their company. Sure were have our crazy, stressful, whiny (them and me) moments, but for the most part they are growing into these little tiny people that honestly amaze me.

It really hit me tonight. I didn't actually get to see them before bed time because I had to take a child to a shelter home two hours away. By the time I got home they had been in bed for two hours, but I called as they were getting ready for bed. Bekah got on the phone and had close to a five minute conversation with me. I was totally amazed since she usually avoids the phone (only the real ones, not play ones) like the plague. Rachel talked too, but only for a minute or two, but still a real feat.

I am so thankful for them. My life is so much more full and joyful since they came. They are a constant source of joy and help me find something to laugh about each day. And, since laughter is medicine for the heart I figure they will help me stay young for a very very long time!

Tragedy at the Zoo

I mean this slighty tounge-in-cheek, but mostly in all earnestness. We decided to take advantage of the cooler day (only in the upper 90's today) and take the girls to the zoo this evening. We haven't been since early May when the temps and humidity were of a bareable degree. We arrived and in good form. Everyone had had a nap, no potty issues today and we were all in a great mood. Bekah, as usual, had to take at least one very small kitty with her - not a big deal since she carries it and doesn't ask eveyone else to.

First on the list was, of course, the elephants. They always love those. Then rhino's. Next it was off to the Oklahoma Trails exhibit of the zoo to see all the animals you find in Oklahoma. First bobcats, then cougar, white-tailed deer, wild turkey's, bird house, then their favorite - the bat house along with spiders and owls. Then rounding the bend come the black bears, aquariums and last, but not least, the alligator pit. This is when sadness and sorrow overcame our otherwise great excursion.

Bekah had been faithfully showing her kitty every animal we had seen so far. Whether it be a field mouse or black bear, or snake, the kitty saw it. I had just lifted her up to see into the alligator pit and bid her a fair warning not to drop her kitty as we could not get her back. The breath from the last word still on my lips, my eyes beheld a tiny little kitty plummet into the pit below. This was not good.

Immediately great big tears began to fall from her eyes. "Mommy you have to get her." "Bekah, I can't get down there and even if I could those are alligators! They could bite my arm off!" She wailed - and I mean wailed! She refused to leave the scene. "I can't leave her, she will be so sad. I know she's scared" All said through great gasps and tears. Of course, there were no zoo keepers to be found. We looked - and looked. She was inconsolable. She wanted to see no more animals.

We finally did see a zoo employee who we told - not so much to get the kitty back, but it would probably not be the best thing if one of the alligators should decide to make a snack of the poor stuffed animal. And just if there were any hope at all of recovering the poor animal the lady not so kindly pointed out that there was no way it would be recovered.

We did end up walking around to see other animals. Eventually she did stop crying, but she never stopped talking about it. She insisted that she could not leave her kitty as it was her job to take care of her. I did the only thing I could think of to do. I told her that Jesus would watch over her kitty and take care of her since she couldn't and that the zoo keeper would get her out. It seemed to give her some relief, but I could tell the guilt she felt was great. It was really breaking my heart. It sounds so silly to say that, but it's not over the stuffed animal, it was over my poor Bekah. Even when we left she said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I dropped my kitty. I was supposed to take care of her." I just told her it was just a terrible accident and that she didn't mean for it to happen.

After we put the girls in bed tonight I heard them talking over the monitor. Rachel told Bekah she was so sorry about her kitty, but they could pray for her. And so they did. It was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. Rachel said, "Jedus, take of Bekah's kitty, don't let those green alligators get her."

So, while there was tragedy at the Zoo. What I learned from this was that my girls are learning to trust God. That they veiw him as very real, and that He cares about whatever we care about. And that is not tragic in the least. The faith of a child -- how it can rock your world.

"Scared in Oklahoma"

So, I haven't really talked about this here, or in real life either (perhaps believing that if I don't speak it it won't be true), but my girls are going to pre-school this fall. Yes, I know, say it ain't so! I am still skaking my head in disbelief. To me they still seem so tiny and how could they really go to school??? ACK! Then, as if all these thoughts weren't bad enough I went to "parent's night" last night.

Oh my GOSH!

I am SO not ready for this. Not really for the girls -- but for me! Just the sheer thought of having to interact with other parents whose children will be in the same classes as the girls struck fear into the core of my being. Why, I have no clue. I felt so totally out of place, I saw other moms there who I went to college with...it just doesn't seem right. It my short 3.5 years as a parent (and as a DHS caseworker) I have discovered that parenting is really more political that politics itself. Why I am so intimidated by this new era in life, I cannot tell you. Hopefully I will look back in a month or so and laugh at myself.

"Our" first day is Friday....Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY!

Conversations with Bekah

Today was definitely a day to stay in bed. I slept very little last night as we were experiencing the first ever (as far as my memory serves) tropical depression in Oklahoma. LOTS of rain, wind and thunder. The latter being the biggest sleep disrupter. Then, to top it off, my dear husband was violently ill from whatever combination of things he had eaten. All this to say I don't really have anything great to post, but thought you would enjoy my recent (before the rain) conversation with a 3 year old.

Scene: I am getting water to water some hanging plants on the porch that were in serious need of some attention. Two little girls following closely behind.

Bekah: "Mommy, what are you getting that water for?"
Me: "For the plants so they won't die."
Bekah: "Yeah, like Scar, he makes everything dead." (think Lion King)
Rachel: "I don't like Scar. He's mean."
Bekah: "Well, I just have a little toy one, if that will be fine?"
Rachel: "OK"
Short pause here as I finish watering
Bekah: "Are they dead?"
Me: "Not yet, I hope they will be alright."
Bekah: "Yeah, when I'm dead I just can't wake up."
Me (Chuckling): "Bekah, you have never been dead."
Bekah: "Oh, I haven't? I guess I was just taking a little nap then."

I will miss terribly these days of such conversations. Part of me wishes I could just freeze frame this time and prolong it. Alas, I know it won't last forever. I will enjoy every minute that it's here.

Hotter than Hades!

I really don't know what Hell feels like (and don't want to know), but I think it must be something about like it feels in Oklahoma these days. You step outside and the heat and humidity immediately hit you in the face. Instantly you feel as if you can't breathe. Your steering wheel in your car is too hot to touch and your burning half a tank of gas for your car air conditioner to be on full blast. All to no avail as you sweat profusely to wherever you may be headed.

So, what can one do for a little escape? We decided to go to the dollar movies. Not just me and the Mr., though, we actually took the girls! Yes, that's right it was their first actual movie in the theatre! We took them to see Shrek: The Third. They loved it, and they did great! We were so proud of them. Shrek is a family affair. Our first date (or date incognito, depending on who is telling the story) was to see Shrek. Then we saw the second Shrek right before the girls were born. Now, the Third we actually got to take them to. We are hitting so many milestones right now it's just incredible.

Before I know it I'll be teaching them to drive. OY!

So....here's what I have been up to the last three months

For starters....I went to Mary Kay Seminar in Dallas at the end of July. Had a total BLAST! a wonderful four days with my MK unit members, heard some great speaches from our Nationals and totally got re-energized!

Here's my Cadillac convertible I'll be driving when I debut as a National Sales Director!

For fun, here's a pic of Me, Lauren and Kathy in the back of the new smokey gray Pontiac Vibe that consultants can earn....or the new gray Pontiac G6 which I intend to be driving by Christmas!

Seminar was just way too much fun! We were so busy and it was SO hot, but worth every minute.

I learned a lot of great things and have been putting them into action this month. My goal is to gold medal this month. That means 5 new recruits for the month. I have one new one so far. Four more to go!

Then there's this.......

Whether it's a mid-life (I don't actually think 30 is anywhere near mid-life) crisis or "girl gone wild" or whatever you would call it, I don't know. But, Tuesday night I did this......

That's right, yours truly is now a tattooed girl. I can hardly believe it myself! The guy who did it (who actually goes to my church, come to find out) thought I was kidding when I told him where I wanted it. Told me it was one of the most painful places to put a tattoo, but if I didn't get it there I really didn't want to get it. Why that spot, I am not sure....other than I can cover it very easily :) Anyhow, I figured if I could survive a c-section of two children in one sitting surely I could brave this. And I did! I think he was truly amazed. I did not "cry, scream or cuss" and he told me I would. Anyhow, I totally love it. It's not a great picture and I'll post some better ones tomorrow, but my sister has to send them to me first.

Why a bee you ask? Well, did you know that scientifically it makes no sense that the bee can fly? It's true. His wings should not be able to support his large body, but somehow, by the design of God, he flys. So, I say it is the same with me. It's a reminder that obstacles will never make me give up. If I really believe I can do it, I will. I will dare to believe that I can achieve God's best for my life. That's it....in a bee hive!

Cal-na-fornia

This is how Bekah says it. Cracks me up. Their favorite movie right now is "Cars". We routinely hear quotes from the movie at random times. Like today at the store, they are in my basket playing with the "yogrit" as they call it, and Rachel is just having a conversation with herself. Out of nowhere I hear: "Crazy grandpa car!" Then she and Bekah erupt in goofy laughter.

The other day I hear Bekah say to Rachel: "That's OK, Stickers, you can take Bessy." And this one: "Go take a car wash, hippie!" It's just too funny! Goes to show you that you really DO have to be careful what you let them watch!

Well, tonight as they are having their ritual Saturday night bath to prepare for church tomorrow, Bekah tells her yellow duckie: "I got to get of this town and get to Cal-na-fornia." HAHAHAHA!

Tomorrow, if I can remember how to download the pictures from my camera, I will post some very cute pictures of the girls playing with my wedding veil.

Jaded?

Today was a typical Monday. Full of the weekend's messes that had to be mended in the world of Child Welfare. This morning I sat in Court from 9am until 11:30am. Finally the Judge called my case. I say my case, but really I've only had the case for two months and it has had about 7 other workers since it was opened in 2001. Yes, you read that right. For 6 years now this case has been going through the system. No need to explain all the whys right now, but only to say that the mother on the case did not show this whole time I was waiting.

The minute after the judge sets a hearing for tomorrow morning for a default termination (meaning she didn't show they will terminate her rights by default), she walks through the door. The Judge, noticably irritated, calls all parties back to the bench. He asks her why she had not been there earlier. She stated she had to ride the bus. The Judge tells her he knows there are earlier buses that run by the Courthouse. The Judge asks mother's attorney how they wish to procede now since the case was actually set today for a Jury trial.

Her attorney takes her back and through a complicated series of events calls me over to say his client is going to relinquish her parental rights. Okay. So, I go back to my seat to wait for the Judge to recall our case and get a Court reporter to go on the record. We all get back to the bench and the Judge starts reading the relinquishment form. "You understand that by signing this document that you are voluntarily terminating your parental rights?" She nods yes, crying. "That no one has promised you anything in return for signing this document." "No" she says. "That you are entitiled to a jury trial in which the State would have the burden of proof to a jury to terminate your parental rights and by signing this you are giving up the right to a jury trial?" "What did you say before that?" She asks, crying more. Blank stares from every one. She looks at her lawyer, "Can I do that?" "Do what?" "That thing with the jury?" The judge looks at me in frustration. I look back, probably with the same look on my face. "Let's go off the record." Says the Judge. The lawyer takes the mother back into chambers again. You can hear him tell her that if she can't test clean today she won't stand a chance in front of the jury. Finally they come back out. She finishes her statement and that's it. After 6 long years in the system, the fight is over.

The thing is, when that moment at the bench came when seemingly the mother had changed her mind, I found myself thinking, "Oh my gosh, you cannot be serious that after 6 years you would put us all through a jury trial. Surely, you don't think any jury would give you the time of day as far as your children are concerned. I can't believe you are going to waste a whole week of my time in a trial when after 6 years you are still testing positive for drugs. Please just GET ON with it!"

Later that afternoon as I sat in another Judge's courtroom again awaiting my case to be called, I thought, have I really become so dispassionate so quickly? As she stood at the bench crying over rights given up for the four children she would never see again, was I so cold already that the only compassion I had was for my own time? On one hand I am angry at myself for feeling that way. Then, on the other, I am angry for four children who have spent the last 65 months in foster care hoping to go home, only to be told in the end it would never happen.

Where my compassion lies, I simply cannot say with certainty. But I find myself in the middle of a Monday Mess, wondering if there really is a "right" place to fall on this one. Wondering who it is that I have allowed this job to make me, and if there is a black and white when it comes to something like this. Or do I just live in the land of the Gray?

Bekah-isms

Where she got it, one cannot know, but Bekah seems to come up with the oddest things. Mostly noteably she refers to anything that happened "last night" as "yester night." It makes me chuckle every time I hear it:

Bekah: Daddy put me on pull-ups yesternight.
Me: Oh, he did?
Bekah: Yes, and I can not pee-pee in my bed becuase I'm just not posed to do that.

(At the zoo last week watching the Rhino's sans Daddy)
Bekah: Mommy, I need to take the baby Rhinocero (not a typo) home.
Me: Bekah, he cannot fit in our car
Bekah: But he needs to go in my room, I think
Me: I think she is a little big for your room, don't you? Where would she sleep?
Bekah: In my sleeping bag. I need to call Daddy so I can ask him.
Me: No.
Bekah: Yes, I do. We can just put him in the back of Papaw's pick-up.

(At the zoo today in the herpaterium)
Bekah: Oh d-d-d-dear (yes, we do see a lot of Pooh) look at that giant snake!!
Daddy: That's an Anaconda.
Bekah: An Anaconda? He's bigger than you Daddy!
Daddy: Yes, he is.
Bekah: We can not take him home. He might not like Elvis! (the cat)
Daddy: No, I don't think he would.
Bekah: And he cannot sleep in my room, either!

Random person: Oh, how cute, are they twins?
Me: Yes
Bekah: I'm not a twin, I'm Bekah
Person: You're not a twin sister?
Bekah: No, I'm just Bekah, that's all I am!

She is such a thinker, this girl. We are in for a real ride with her. I just know it!

Things are looking up!

It's been a rough winter for me. Some great things have happened, but "work-wise" it has just plain sucked. In October we lost a unit member and we all (my unit members) inherited four of her cases. Then, at the end of November we lost another unit member and we each received 5 of her cases. Then at the end of December we lost our supervisor. Then in January we lost our lead worker and each inherited 7 of her cases, bringing my total caseload to 39 cases. That is 91 children that were on my caseload. IMPOSSIBLE to try to manage, considering I am required to visit those children once per month. We had some people trying to help do visits, but some were reliable and some not so reliable. In all it was just a horrid mess.

I have really been struggling trying to juggle homelife, work and starting a new business. Let me tell you, it wasn't working AT ALL! My poor family has really been getting the short end of it.

This week we added two new unit members to our group and I was able to take 6 cases off my desk. 6 out of 39 is not huge, but for me it was fantastic! In a few more weeks I will lose probably another 5 cases to them and then we are also going to get a new lead worker that will take another 5 cases or so. That would get me back down to around 20 hopefully which is TOTALLY manageable. Policy states we are not to have more than 20, we will see if that actually happens. In the meantime, I am just thrilled to let go of even 6!

Also, I am pleased to announce that I have added my first team member in Mary Kay. I am really excited about that and hope to have a LOT more time to devote to MK now that my not so fun work is easing up. I am still have a blast doing MK. I have career conference coming up in March and another formal night and I know it will be a total blast!

Lost and Found

Lost: One gold wedding band engraved with the inscription: "To my Fred, love SJG"

FOUND: aformentioned gold band located by the Mother In Law of owner.

Yep, that's right. My dear, sweet, wonderful husband who has always given me such a hard time for taking off my wedding rings every night and who never takes his off LOST his wedding band. Since he never reads this blog unless I actually tell him to I am pretty sure I can post the story in its entirety and he will probably never know this.

I received a call from my mom yesterday while I was at work. "Did Fred lose something?" she asked with a little mischief in her voice. "Why, what did you find?" said, I, knowing she would never ask a question such as that unless she found something really good. "A wedding ring" she stated matter-of-factly. "WHAT?! He has not told me about this!" Knowing that it had been at least two days since he had been at their house.

So, last night he is showing me his dry cracked hands and I just say, "Oh look, you are single now it appears." Sheer horror covers his face and instantly I knew that until that moment he had not realized what was not there. He went nuts. Searching high, low and everywhere in between for that ring. He was totally out of sorts the whole evening.

Knowing that I had the ring this whole time I told him not to worry "it would surely turn up somewhere." And sure enough, it did. Right in his Valentine card today! He still has no idea how it slipped off over his big knuckles. Ah well, thank goodness mom found it or I too would have gone nuts.

Nobody leaves January without singing the blues...

At least this year it seems. January has just been a rough month so far. Many things at work have made it difficult, but this last weekend we were burried under close to 6 inches of ice. It looks like a bunch of snow, but it's SOOOO not! If you step out onto it you will qickly find that there are no prints to be left....just one solid, rock hard sheet of ice. Not even driving the Durango on it makes tracks. No pictures tonight tho...dead batteries in the camera and none on hand. So, they closed nearly everything at about noon last Friday and most everyone got a day off yesterday. However, today most of the working world got back to the grind.

This morning as I am drying my hair at about 6:45 I hear the sound of Fred's work boots thumping up the stairs. Not acustomed to him being around at that time, I was wondering why he was back home after leaving for work. Turns out he hit a patch of ice leaving our neighborhood this morning, slid over the curb and slammed into a brick retaining wall at the entrance of our edition. Fabulous! just fabulous...as if we needed on more thing to deal with. Oh well. At least he wasn't hurt and he didn't hit anybody else. He took the Durango in for an estimate: $2,000. OUCH!

The girls saw the car this morning and were very concerned about Daddy "breaking" the car. Bekah said, "oh well, I guess he'll have to get a new one." When I told them it didn't work like that and that Daddy would have to get it fixed, Rachel said, "Oh, I guess we have to call Handy Manny to bring Pat the hammer." (a fix-it cartoon on the Disney Channel). Cute! If only it were that easy. sigh...

This too shall pass... not too quickly tho as they are predicting 3-6 inches of snow this weekend and then another round next weekend. No rest for the weary!

Big Girl Beds

Despite all my efforts to keep the girls from growing up, alas, it has become a reality that often takes the breath out of me. Sunday night the girls moved from their baby beds to TWIN beds! Can you believe it?! Totally skipped the toddler bed. OY! They spent the afternoon Sunday with grandma and papaw and mommy and daddy dissasembled, re-arranged and put together their "new" beds. I say "new" becuase the beds they now have belonged to me and my sister when we were just barely older than the girls. I slept in that bed until I was 22 (sans the canopy however. I believe I shed that upon entering highschool). Putting up these beds really brought back memories for me. I am glad that my girls will now get to make good memories in them as well. So, without further delay, I present to you Rachel's and Rebekah's new beds.

Rebekah's bed (top) and Rachel's bed (bottom).

Bekah in front of her bed. Rachel by her bed.

They TOTALLY love everything about them. The canopy, the comforters -- all of it! It has taken me 30 mintues to get Rachel out of bed both today and yesterday morning. She cries and says that she "needs to sweep more." Bekah said, "It's like a tent, Mommy." They are just too funny. Yesterday they got home, went straight up to their room and refused to come down even to eat. We finally relented and just let them eat their dinner in bed. Silly girls! We have had NO trouble getting them in bed the last couple of nights. I wonder how long that will last?!