Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Santa Baby...

Since on the very first day of November I was seeing Christmas commercials on TV, I would like to make known my wish list in case you should run into Santa, could you be so kind as to pass it on? And being the friend you are, I KNOW you aren’t gonna leave me hanging here, are you? What? Too soon to talk about the big guy? Not even Thanksgiving you say?? Oh well, it’s my blog! ;)

Dear Santa,
I would wish for world peace or something like that, but I’ve given up on that farce. If global warming were real I might wish you could end that as well, but since that’s just an invention from the imagination of Al Gore, I suggest you take that up with him (naughty list might be an appropriate gift for him if I do say so myself).

Now, I respectfully submit to you the top 10 on my wish list for this year. Please don’t feel that all 10 are necessary, one or two would tickle me pink. For your convenience I’ve prioritized them for you so you will know which are of most importance. I’ll leave my famous Scottish shortbread cookies in extra abundance this year, it’s worth the oven burns. Thanks!

Item #1
So, at the top of my list this year I’d really like a garbage disposal. Seriously Santa, this is no joke, quit laughing, I can hear that! I’m so tired of dumping old, stinky leftovers from the fridge in the backyard. It’s a pain in the butt! You think it’s not a big deal? I dare you, ask Mrs. Clause to go a week without using hers and I guarantee you’ll get it! At least she has reindeer to devour that stuff…who knows what kind of creatures I’m attracting back there!

Item #2
Right behind this is new brakes for my car, this is getting fun, right?? Yeah, when my daughter says, “Mommy why is the car screeching?” it might be time for a brake job. There’s nothing more I hate than having to spend money on cars – well, except maybe cleaning toilets….OH, and that leads me to my next item on the list.

Item #3
Santa, could you make my one small-ish child PLEASE flush the toilet every time she uses it, I would be forever grateful. Even making her clean it herself hasn’t worked so far. Thanks so much! (Perhaps it may take the Holy Spirit and the laying on of hands for this one, not sure, if you could just let me know…)

Item #4
Please make my kids stop saying “I don’t like that, I don’t want to eat that” when they haven’t ever tried it in their life.

Item #5
8 uninterrupted hours of sleep every night would be great, but if you could please make my kids sleep until at least 8am every Saturday, I’d believe in you forever!

Item #6
I would love it if you could make Sharpie markers invisible to everyone in the house but me. That way my Artist won’t be able to locate them to render “art” on mediums such as walls, towels and comforters that were not made for that particular kind of art.

Item #7
Could you please give me a will power of steel? That way all the time I spend exercising would not go to waste because I can’t resist that Twix sitting in the candy bowl or the chips in my parent’s house or whatever it is for the day I can’t seem to resist.

Item #8
Is there any way for you to provide that all lunches for the next day magically appear in the fridge for the next day without me having to prepare them? If not, maybe you could just send an elf for this purpose for a whole year. That would totally rock!

Item #9
Whatever that disorder is that makes me hit snooze every morning for 15 minutes straight. Could you fix that please?

Item #10
Last but not least, an endless supply of Excedrine – either that, or if you give me Items #1-#9 you can feel free to skip this one.

Thanks, Santa! You’re the best!


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