Santa Baby...

Since on the very first day of November I was seeing Christmas commercials on TV, I would like to make known my wish list in case you should run into Santa, could you be so kind as to pass it on? And being the friend you are, I KNOW you aren’t gonna leave me hanging here, are you? What? Too soon to talk about the big guy? Not even Thanksgiving you say?? Oh well, it’s my blog! ;)


Dear Santa,
I would wish for world peace or something like that, but I’ve given up on that farce. If global warming were real I might wish you could end that as well, but since that’s just an invention from the imagination of Al Gore, I suggest you take that up with him (naughty list might be an appropriate gift for him if I do say so myself).

Now, I respectfully submit to you the top 10 on my wish list for this year. Please don’t feel that all 10 are necessary, one or two would tickle me pink. For your convenience I’ve prioritized them for you so you will know which are of most importance. I’ll leave my famous Scottish shortbread cookies in extra abundance this year, it’s worth the oven burns. Thanks!

Item #1
So, at the top of my list this year I’d really like a garbage disposal. Seriously Santa, this is no joke, quit laughing, I can hear that! I’m so tired of dumping old, stinky leftovers from the fridge in the backyard. It’s a pain in the butt! You think it’s not a big deal? I dare you, ask Mrs. Clause to go a week without using hers and I guarantee you’ll get it! At least she has reindeer to devour that stuff…who knows what kind of creatures I’m attracting back there!

Item #2
Right behind this is new brakes for my car, this is getting fun, right?? Yeah, when my daughter says, “Mommy why is the car screeching?” it might be time for a brake job. There’s nothing more I hate than having to spend money on cars – well, except maybe cleaning toilets….OH, and that leads me to my next item on the list.

Item #3
Santa, could you make my one small-ish child PLEASE flush the toilet every time she uses it, I would be forever grateful. Even making her clean it herself hasn’t worked so far. Thanks so much! (Perhaps it may take the Holy Spirit and the laying on of hands for this one, not sure, if you could just let me know…)

Item #4
Please make my kids stop saying “I don’t like that, I don’t want to eat that” when they haven’t ever tried it in their life.

Item #5
8 uninterrupted hours of sleep every night would be great, but if you could please make my kids sleep until at least 8am every Saturday, I’d believe in you forever!

Item #6
I would love it if you could make Sharpie markers invisible to everyone in the house but me. That way my Artist won’t be able to locate them to render “art” on mediums such as walls, towels and comforters that were not made for that particular kind of art.

Item #7
Could you please give me a will power of steel? That way all the time I spend exercising would not go to waste because I can’t resist that Twix sitting in the candy bowl or the chips in my parent’s house or whatever it is for the day I can’t seem to resist.

Item #8
Is there any way for you to provide that all lunches for the next day magically appear in the fridge for the next day without me having to prepare them? If not, maybe you could just send an elf for this purpose for a whole year. That would totally rock!

Item #9
Whatever that disorder is that makes me hit snooze every morning for 15 minutes straight. Could you fix that please?

Item #10
Last but not least, an endless supply of Excedrine – either that, or if you give me Items #1-#9 you can feel free to skip this one.


Thanks, Santa! You’re the best!
XOXO

Sincerely,
Sarah

Who I Am

Failure. Betrayed. Disgraced. Expendable. Used. Hurt. Afraid. Robbed. Insignificant. Powerless. Fool. Broken. Unworthy. Unlovable. 

You name it, I've felt it, especially this last year. If you know my entire story, consider yourself a close friend.  If you don't, sorry, maybe one day. :) Life can hurt; really bad sometimes.  More than I ever thought I would encounter.  It sucks (yes, that is a technical writing term, thank you very much!) when the ways in which you've identified yourself for years, in one instant, are shattered right before your eyes.  For me, even good memories are tainted with the skepticism of reality.  Was there anything true or genuine?  Perhaps I may never know. 

It can all do a number on your heart and head, for sure.  Remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the witch doctor rips out a guy's heart and you see it there beating in his hands?  At some point, if you have any feelings at all, life is bound to do just that, rip them right out of you and stomp them to death.  Leaving you a shell of what you once were and alone to pick up what's left to try to regroup and move on.  We have no other choice, but easier said than done, I'm sure you know. 

However, the silver lining is that when life sucks and I've listened to the lies of what my circumstances would have me believe about myself, I can remind myself that I am one of His redeemed.  I am the on that He loves, that is enough.  I refuse to be a victim.  I will not be pitiful.  sure, i will have my moments of weakness, of feeling less than what I am.  I will fall into those lonely places where I can't see His grace.  I WILL screw it up, a lot more than I would like to admit.  I will always be a work in progress.  But none of this really matters because I am who He says I am; beloved, redeemed, His. 

A good friend reminded me recently that despite the fact that life has not gone as I had planned, that this is certainly not where I ever thought i would be, that God still has a plan.  I am holding on to that like a fat girl with a KitKat (I can say that because that's what I used to be).  We all live in this world, and we all face life in all its imperfections; for the good that it is, the bad that it can be and the potential that it holds.  So, hold on to the good, let go of the bad, and let Him fulfill the potential He created in you.

I leave you with this song that I recently heard by Jason Gray.  It's been on repeat on my iPod for days now...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKyY8zfjBMQ&ob=av2n

Pictures

I've always been intrigued by the story a picture can create in your mind.  The art of the eye come to life.  Taking pictures has long been a hobby of mine.  I'm just a novice, trying to learn more about all the work that actually goes into that "art." I think I've been taking pictures long before I was ever actually using a camera.  I love to people watch, imagine what's going on in a conversation between two people, or thru the mind of one person as they function in everyday life.  Finding yourself in the middle of a story about a person or a place can be an adventure of the imagination.  Something I've always loved. 

I thought I would take advantage of the beautiful weather today and get a little practice with my hobby.  Hope you enjoy a few of them.

Masters of the Universe and Such...

**Disclaimer - read at your own risk!* It's been two years since I've attempted this!**

It's almost Halloween, the time of year when people go a little crazy dressing up as characters they are not.  Not much different than real life really - just minus the costumes :)  To some extent we all wear masks that disguise what's underneath the surface.  To one group you are this, another group that, to all groups you "have it together" or so we would like them to think.

Over last couple of weeks I have joked with a friend that my Wonder Woman costume had gone missing, stolen by some rogue thief trying to ruin me. I suppose the truth of the matter is, I never owned the costume to begin with.  Even if I did have it, I doubt highly that I could access and make full use of the powers.  I am not and will never be Wonder Woman, unfortunately.  I will always be human, highly fallible and prone to stupidity at times. 

It is said that into every life a little rain must fall.  Forget the rain, this is a hurricane, baby!  Not to worry, it's only maybe a CAT3.  I guarantee somebody somewhere out there has it worse than me. Hurricanes come in all different categories and phases, strengths and sizes.  I'm convinced I manage to bring some of them upon myself.  But I try to remember they never last forever.  Perhaps if I were Zeus and ruled the air I could control some things, but alas, my powerful thunderbolt is gone too! I'm wholly out of luck.

When it comes down to it I am not the Master of any Universe, not even my own.  I don't want to be.  As I mentioned earlier, I am human, imperfect, and the last time I checked the role of God was filled.  It's a good thing too, because I can't handle my own life on certain days, I know I couldn't handle yours! :)

When I get tempted to get caught up in the hurricane and think "why me", I remember Jesus and think why NOT me.  I'm no more worthy of a life with no problems than anyone else in this world.  After all, even Jesus, who was perfect for crying out loud, faced the worst persecution and death.  Last time I checked no one was threatening me with a cross.

So, I will live this life to the best of my ability, no superhuman powers.  But I do have a superhuman God and I don't have to be the Master of my universe, because He is.  It's a good thing too because I think He forgives my shortcomings and mess-ups better than I forgive them. That's all you get from me tonight!

My girl

I asked my girl this morning, "HOW did you get SO pretty?!?!?!" 

My girl, said to me, "Because you're so pretty, mommy." 

Be still my beating heart!

Suck it up, Buttercup!

No doubt you've heard that saying before.  It's a chronic recital for me at some point during the duration of each day.  During a run, trying to get my kid to eat, doing laundry, biting my tounge when I really want to say what I know I shouldn't.  At times like this I try to remember that honesty is not a "Fruit of the Spirit," but patience, kindness and self-control are. 

This is especially hard to remember when "Frustration" seems to inhabit a permanent room in my home.  Some days he is less noticable than others, but lately it seems he is following me around, infecting everything I try to do.  He leaves all his junk in my way, messing up my house, work, runs, all of it.  The big jerk!

I've tried numerous times to evict him, but apparently he's a glutton for punishment because he keeps turning up.  Sometimes in the same place I JUST kicked him out of! 

I will not bore with the details, but just know, he will NOT get the best of ME!  No matter how many times I have to kick him out on his butt.  This war is mine!  So, I will continue to "suck it up," clear the mind with some good runs, deep breathing exercises and just keep on truckin'.  That's all a girl can do.  

Are ya feelin' me?  I know you do...  ;o)  

Suck it up, Buttercup!  This too shall pass...

Riding in cars with girls

It was a lengthy and time consuming process gathering the two kindergarten girls from their grandma's house.  After all, grandma's houses are always a place for grandchildren to have their way and run amok until the parents take over.  There were tiny bits of paper all over the floor from the family Artist, and school papers strewn out from the Studious one.  After nearly and hour, the mom and her girls were finally piling into the car.

"Girls, I need to stop by the store, OK?" 

"Sure, that's fine, mommy.  Can we get soemthing from the dollar bins?"  the Little one asked. 

"Maybe, we'll see." 

The Older one spouted, "Why do you always say that?" 

The mom replied, "It's because it all depends on how you act when we get there, that's why." 

The little one pipes up from the back seat, "I need to use your phone.  I'm full of words and I have a lot to tell grandma and papa," referring to her other set of grandparents. 

"Oh, really?" 

The mom handed the Little one the cell phone and she promptly hit the speed dial number she knew would locate her intended listening audience. 

"Hi Grandma!  Did you know that my stomach is not really where I rub my tummy?"  pause "No, it's really higher than that.  And you know what?  Where I rub my tummy is really my large and small contestants." 

The mom was in the front seat trying desperately not to laugh out loud.  She knew if the Little one heard her laugh she would be angry demand mom stop laughing at her and the moment would be ruined. 

The Little one continued, "Yes, and your kidneys are in your back, and your spine goes to your brain, and there's something orange that goes sideways, but I can't remember what that's called.  And did you know that your heart doesn't look like a heart that I draw on paper?  It really looks like three big bumps and it pumps blood all over me and that's how I get energy." 

There was long, and by long about a minute, silence and she quickly changed direction.

"Grandma, I'm not going to marry Nahuel anymore." 

It is worth noting that Nahuel (who's Italian and his name pronounced Now-ee) have been fast friends since the first week of Kindergarten.  The second week of Kindergarten Nahuel asked the Little one for her hand in marriage.  Being the sensitive one she deceptively can be at times, agreed to the arrangement as she did like him and didn't want to say no.  A trait the mother secretly hoped she would outgrow. 

Grandma must have asked why because the Little one went on, "Well, he thinks he is the King of the world and I told him that he's NOT the boss of me!"  pause "Yeah, and he's also a tattle-tale and that hurts my feelings." 

More questions from grandma.  "Yeah, I'm going to marry somebody else, but I don't know who yet and until I find a new boyfriend I'm just going to be un-single."

The mom's smile was as big as a half-moon.  She had that eye-watering kind of laughing happening on the inside, and a beaming sense of satisfaction that her sometimes sensitive Little one really was as head-strong as she knew her to be. 

Race Day

I completed my first ever 10k race today!  It was a Zoo Run!  The day was beautiful and temps were unbeatable!  It was a bit chilly this morning, but about 53 degrees at the start of the race.  Just perfect!

Here we are at the start.  Rachel thought it was a bit too bright.  So, it was just me and road today, no tunes.  I could have had some tunes, but didn't know it until it was too late.  Normally, you aren't allowed to wear headphones in a race, but I guess this one was different.  They seemed a tad bit unorganized, but not too bad.  The timing devices did malfunction though.  :) 

Here I am about to cross the finish line.  I don't know what my "official" time was because of the malfunction, but I did use my watch and according to that I finished at 1:00:58.  I was hoping to be under an hour, but I was sure close!  I think it was the extra .2 that cost me the time, but that's ok.  I mainly wanted a practice run before the Half in November.  Here we are at the end.

Without my tunes I had to keep my mind busy for 6 miles so here's what you get...

• 
  
  Best sound of the day: "Listen to all those feet!!"  Said by a small boy on the sidelines at the start
  
  
  
• 
  
  Worst sound of the day:  The person a little behind me and slightly to my right who let it rip at about mile 3.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Funniest statement of the run:  "Who's got a Garmin?"  Woman in the race thru the wooded area
  
  
  
• 
  
  Most inspiring runner:  The little grandma I passed in mile 4 with her once-a-week-beauty-shop-hair just running away like it was no big deal
  
  
  
• 
  
  Best part of the day: rounding the corner and seeing the finish line and being able to hear my girls screaming "GO MOMMY! RUN MOMMY!!!" 
  
  
  

Runner's etiquette rant...

On the weekdays I run at the same time in the morning.  The alarm goes off at 5:00 am, and I somehow manage to drag (and I do mean drag) my sleepy butt out of bed about 5:12 am.   Running at the same time, I generally see the same trail travelers along my path.  I don't know their names or where they come from, but seeing them over and over, I've learned their faces, and I've memorized a few of their inspirational quotes on the back of t-shirts.  I've also learned a few of their running habits, good and bad.  Which brings me to my point of my frustration.

There is a particular female runner who I see nearly every run.  She runs with two other girls, but she is always in the same spot in the running pack - the outside.  As you can imagine, at that time of the morning the sun is not out to illuminate much, but the trail lights are all in working order and provide good light.  This aformentioned runner wears what I kindly refer to as a "miner's light" on her head.  I'm sure it has a snazzy, sporty, technical running name, but I think "miner's light" works good enough. 

The "pack of three" as I'll call them, are always running in the opposite direction of me.  When I see them up ahead I always roll my eyes and mutter to myself.  "Oh great, here she comes!"  The three of them run side-by-side, taking up the width of the trail with lots of space between them.  But for some reason miner's light gets to me the most.  Perhaps because she's on the closest to me.   I know she sees me, but yet she never moves, "THERE'S ROOM TO MOVE OVER!" I always want to scream, but it never comes out.  And she just waves at me as I have to tiptoe on the edge of the trail hoping I don't trip on a stick or something.  Seriously.  Is it really that hard to move just a little bit??  12 inches, that's really all I ask for, is that really so hard?

With this frustration in mind, here's what I would list as my Top 10 Runner's Etiquette Rules (a couple of these are borrowed):

1. In a group run, don't take over the road/sidewalk/trail. On sidewalks, especially, single-file it. Leave  room for someone to pass or otherwise get by without being run off the trail! (HELLO?!  Are ya feelin' me miner's light girl?!)
2. If you are injured - it's okay to whine a little. After that shut up. Everyone has their own problems.
3. Don't assume because someone is slower they want your coaching advice. Speed is not an indicator of knowledge. Slower does not mean dumber.
4. Don't wear really noisy clothing. If your running suit is so loud that you think some is chasing you, don't you think other runners might be alarmed as well?
5. Don't run through puddles and splash other runners unless you want to be chased and dunked.
6. They invented deoderant for you to use. Nothing is worse than a having to hold your breath to cruise past a runner who wears more Ben Gay than clothing. Likewise, don't wear 10 ounces of cologne either, you don't want someone to puke on you as they pass by.
7. Don't rock out too hard with your tunes.  Other runners do not necessarily find your squelching rendition of "Eye of the Tiger" particularly pleasing.
8. If you are running with a partner it is not necessary to yell your conversation to them.  I don't really need to know about the people who got busy in the stairwell in your building.
9. Don't run thru wet cement.  Not particularly a running shoe enhancement unless you are wanting to add a little weight training to your run.
10. "Looking good" is acceptable encouragement - (Unless of course you catch someone whizzing, or it is yelled by a passerby in a speeding car).  "Get the Lead out!" is not. (In either situation...)
    

A day in the life of...

OK! ENOUGH!  I am SICK to death of the rain!  Seriously?!?!  We had just enough sunshine this weekend to make us want more. Plus it's totally messing up my weekday morning runs.  The forecast says it'll be raining at 5am in the morning.  Ok, so, I'll just run after work - oh wait - scratch that - raining then too!  Ugh!  That leaves me only one dreaded option...the treadmill.  BLECH!  I know, I know, I should be grateful I have that option, but the treadmill is so not fun.  *sigh*

In other news, just pass that bad mom award to me.  I got home nearly one hour after I left work today (I told you we were getting serious rain) only to have Bekah meet me at the door, little indignent self with her hands on her hips and annoyance in her eyes, "Mommy, it was my day to bring snack and YOU didn't sent it so NOBODY got snack."  Oops.  Yeah, my bad.  I told Bekah I would email her teacher tomorrow to apologize.  Bekah ended her little scolding by saying, "I told you to start making a remember list!!"  Oh yeah, I think I remember that...

I'm going to bed now.

Look who's learning to use her camera!

I have always loved taking pictures.  Recenlty, I was inspired by The Pioneer Woman to really learn how to use my camera.  So, wonder of wonders, I actually read my user manual for my camera.  Who would have ever guessed it could hold such a wealth of information?  Not I!  I mean, after all, it's only the user manual.  What could it possibly tell me?  Umm...well...yeah...

With this new wealth of information about my camera I rounded up the girls for an adventure.  Half way into it the girls were calling it "the long journey."  Here's a few of my favorites.

These are all just straight out of the camera shots, no editing.  I'm not good enough for that yet, haha!  I still have a lot to learn, some of these shots got a little dark, but the good news is that now I know how to experiment with that and like all things practice makes perfect!

Farewell Friday!

Friday is just about over and I could not be more thrilled.  Not exactly the best of Fridays for many reasons of which I am not even going to attempt to regurgitate for you.

And 1 more makes 9

Tomorrow is "Long Run Saturday" as I so fondly call it these days.  I have actually gotten to the point that I enjoy it.  Yes, stop rubbing your eyes, I said ENJOY!  I can hardly believe it myself!  Tomorrow's run will leave me just 4.1 miles away from my goal.  Who ever would have thought I would or could run 13 miles?!  Certainly not me!  Here is part of the trail I'll see tomorrow.  Great view of the river.

Thursday morning's run brought a first for me and that was a run in the rain.  I got half way thru my run and onto my favorite bridge, when it started pouring rain.  I tried my best to tuck away my iPod and headphones, and to shield my phone as best as I could.  As I trudged along this was what was going thru my head:
     Rain Rain go away, you soaked me thru on my run today
     And if you ruined my iPod I say, there will, there will be hell to pay!
In response, my sister replied:
     Sarah, Sarah, Silly one.  Why take your iPod on your run?
     Fred Astaire showed us simple and plain
     You're supposed to sing and dance thru the rain!

Thought that was pretty good.  I leave you with a picture of my favorite bridge over the Arkansas river and bid you Adieu!

Poor Sad neglected blog...

So, nearly a YEAR later here we are. I'm not even going to attempt to recap, and I am not even sure anybody reads or will ever read this blog again. But look for updates to come...just for me, myself and I, if no one else at all...

2008 here were come!

It's absolutely impossible to recap the amount of change that has happened in our world just in the last month. For starters, December 1, the girls turned FOUR! ACK! I don't even know how this happened. They had a great party and here's just one pic of the indoor (yes, I could not even believe it myself) bouncer we had in the house.

The second week of Demember brought a heart surgery for my mom, which was very rough on her and she was slow to recover. At the same time we were hit by an ice storm - I really hate those. Here's what havoc that wreaked upon us. The pictures still make me ache a little. The girls had a little fun out on the ice though.

We made it through all that and got to the third week of December which brought with it the news that I didn't get the job I was so excited about, and that I was sure was meant for me. There's a lot more to this story, but I'll spare you absolutely insane details and leave it at that. Needless to say, both Fred and I were bitterly dissapointed. Ironically, Fred applied to a few different aircraft companies up the turnpike in Tulsa that same week.

Along came Christmas and we had an absolute fabulous time. The girls loved every minute of it. They made cookies for Santa (they got a little burnt, but Santa didn't seem to mind at all).

We spent the few days before Christmas in Tulsa with Fred's family. Here's our first gingerbread house.

Here are the girls using their cousins, Kevin and Paige, as horses.

We came back from Tulsa and celebrated Christmas with my family on the 26th. That's when they got their gift from mommy and daddy.

That about wraps up December, I think.

Now, for the big news of January. I've already mentioned that Fred applied for some jobs in Tulsa. Well, he was also interested in attending the Spartan College of Aeronautics that is there to get a degree and become a licensed airline mechanic. Yesterday a representative from the college came and talked to us and Fred applied and was told there should be no problem with him being accepted. They will also help him with job placement during school and after school and for the rest of his career. So, if he should lose his job, want a new one or different location the school continues to help with this. They will even help me find a job. So, that's the big news. We're moving to Tulsa!

It's unbelievable how this all happened really. Fred's start date is July, and can be earlier if we can arrange everything that quickly. So, we have to finish out our kitchen remodel and get this house on the market now. Be praying for us that everything will fall into place quickly and the transition is as smooth as possible for everyone. This will be a big change for not only us, but also for my parents who will really miss the girls. We'll keep you posted and I'll try to keep up with this blog a little more often. :)

Time Marches On

I know, I know, long time no blogging. Things have been in major upheaval lately which I'll explain as I go.

First of all, let me just say, Thanksgiving was wonderful. It was so great to spend time with my family with FOUR uninterrupted days of bliss. Tomorrow it's back to all the terrible issues that await me at work. My work phone died on Thursday evening and I had no charger for it (forgot it at work) and I didn't even think about it. I am really past the point of caring right now.

We celebrated this years festivities at my sister's new house and she cooked the turkey. We were all waiting in great suspense to see how it would turn out, but the self professed "black sheep cook" of the family did a fabulous job. My duties were the Apple crisp pie (Fred's absolute favorite), the green bean cassarole (my favorite), and the cranberry delight (my made up name for a wonderfully light fresh cranberry dessert from Fred's mom). I also did some bread. It was all great!

Now, it's on to Christmas, but first, it's the girls FOURTH (ACK!) birthday!!!!!! I cannot even believe it! But it will be great fun!

In other job related news, work has been awful. I have had yet another baby death. This will make three in two years. I don't know if it's worse, since I only work with drug affected infants, or what, but it doesn't really matter. It's all terrible and hard to deal with. Then the good news. In the last month I have applied for and been interviewed, twice, for a job as a legislative assistant to a state representative at our state capital. I am supposed to hear by the end of this week if I got it. Say a prayer that it works out. I know if it's what God wants it will, but I hate waiting. It would be normal hours and a pay raise. A truly wonderful thing!

The Bad Boo-Boo

Well, here it is, the first black eye...

Boy, is it a doozie! It looks just awful. It happened Monday evening. The girls were playing with their little two-seater kid swing that is in their playroom. Bekah was laying under it for some reason and Rachel didn't see her. She swung it and BAM!

Here it is Tuesday morning

So, it's gotten a little worse every day so far. Hopefully, it will start to heal up quickly. Of course, their school pictures would be next week. Maybe it will be at least faded enough to cover it with some concealer. Poor thing. I just cringe every time I see it. It looks so painful, but she says it doesn't hurt. I suppose it doesn't as she never complains about it.

When I told her she had a black eye she said, "No I don't, Mommy, my eyes are brown!" HA! Then yesterday she told me she was going to tell Rachel's teacher what happened to her eye. When I asked her if she was going to tell her own teacher too she matter-of-factly told me, "No, my teacher only talks about school things, she doesn't talk about boo-boo's." I just laugh. She has not idea how funny she is. A very literal girl, for sure.

It's a disease, no really, I promise!

Or so I say to my husband in very poor defense of my awful propensity to purchase footwear. Whether it's for me or the girls, I just have an awful time saying no. So, of all places I go to Walmart today to buy an onion...AN ONION! What do I walk out with? The tiniest little black Mary Janes with diamonds on the toes...plus...I have my eyes on the CUTEST black knee boots. Why do they make those darn little shoes so cute?! AAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!

It was not by accident that God gave us TWO girls. It was for my own good. If I just had one I know my willpower would utterly and completely fail and I could not stop myself. She would have at least 20 pair of shoes, I am sure. But, seeing as how everything must be doubled it puts and end to my impulsive shoe fettish. Oh the agony!

Poor Fred, he just looked at me with pity - or at least I hope that was the look on his face. I know he doesn't truly understand, after all, how could anyone who only owns four pair of shoes really relate?

Oh well. I would say that I need help or something cliche like that, but the truth is, I like it! I LOVE buying shoes. It's therapeutic...no really, I swear! :)

The Prodigal Kitty...

...has now returned. So, I researched my little fingers off and found "the" kitty on Ebay and we now have a new one. Bekah seemed a little suspect, but only for half a minute. Then she was elated to have her kitty back and has carried it everywhere since then.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, but I just have to say that every day I am just amazed at how much more I love my girls. It almost sounds crazy to say it that way, but it's so true. I am totally in awe of how much I absolutely enjoy their company. Sure were have our crazy, stressful, whiny (them and me) moments, but for the most part they are growing into these little tiny people that honestly amaze me.

It really hit me tonight. I didn't actually get to see them before bed time because I had to take a child to a shelter home two hours away. By the time I got home they had been in bed for two hours, but I called as they were getting ready for bed. Bekah got on the phone and had close to a five minute conversation with me. I was totally amazed since she usually avoids the phone (only the real ones, not play ones) like the plague. Rachel talked too, but only for a minute or two, but still a real feat.

I am so thankful for them. My life is so much more full and joyful since they came. They are a constant source of joy and help me find something to laugh about each day. And, since laughter is medicine for the heart I figure they will help me stay young for a very very long time!

Tragedy at the Zoo

I mean this slighty tounge-in-cheek, but mostly in all earnestness. We decided to take advantage of the cooler day (only in the upper 90's today) and take the girls to the zoo this evening. We haven't been since early May when the temps and humidity were of a bareable degree. We arrived and in good form. Everyone had had a nap, no potty issues today and we were all in a great mood. Bekah, as usual, had to take at least one very small kitty with her - not a big deal since she carries it and doesn't ask eveyone else to.

First on the list was, of course, the elephants. They always love those. Then rhino's. Next it was off to the Oklahoma Trails exhibit of the zoo to see all the animals you find in Oklahoma. First bobcats, then cougar, white-tailed deer, wild turkey's, bird house, then their favorite - the bat house along with spiders and owls. Then rounding the bend come the black bears, aquariums and last, but not least, the alligator pit. This is when sadness and sorrow overcame our otherwise great excursion.

Bekah had been faithfully showing her kitty every animal we had seen so far. Whether it be a field mouse or black bear, or snake, the kitty saw it. I had just lifted her up to see into the alligator pit and bid her a fair warning not to drop her kitty as we could not get her back. The breath from the last word still on my lips, my eyes beheld a tiny little kitty plummet into the pit below. This was not good.

Immediately great big tears began to fall from her eyes. "Mommy you have to get her." "Bekah, I can't get down there and even if I could those are alligators! They could bite my arm off!" She wailed - and I mean wailed! She refused to leave the scene. "I can't leave her, she will be so sad. I know she's scared" All said through great gasps and tears. Of course, there were no zoo keepers to be found. We looked - and looked. She was inconsolable. She wanted to see no more animals.

We finally did see a zoo employee who we told - not so much to get the kitty back, but it would probably not be the best thing if one of the alligators should decide to make a snack of the poor stuffed animal. And just if there were any hope at all of recovering the poor animal the lady not so kindly pointed out that there was no way it would be recovered.

We did end up walking around to see other animals. Eventually she did stop crying, but she never stopped talking about it. She insisted that she could not leave her kitty as it was her job to take care of her. I did the only thing I could think of to do. I told her that Jesus would watch over her kitty and take care of her since she couldn't and that the zoo keeper would get her out. It seemed to give her some relief, but I could tell the guilt she felt was great. It was really breaking my heart. It sounds so silly to say that, but it's not over the stuffed animal, it was over my poor Bekah. Even when we left she said, "Mommy, I'm sorry I dropped my kitty. I was supposed to take care of her." I just told her it was just a terrible accident and that she didn't mean for it to happen.

After we put the girls in bed tonight I heard them talking over the monitor. Rachel told Bekah she was so sorry about her kitty, but they could pray for her. And so they did. It was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. Rachel said, "Jedus, take of Bekah's kitty, don't let those green alligators get her."

So, while there was tragedy at the Zoo. What I learned from this was that my girls are learning to trust God. That they veiw him as very real, and that He cares about whatever we care about. And that is not tragic in the least. The faith of a child -- how it can rock your world.

"Scared in Oklahoma"

So, I haven't really talked about this here, or in real life either (perhaps believing that if I don't speak it it won't be true), but my girls are going to pre-school this fall. Yes, I know, say it ain't so! I am still skaking my head in disbelief. To me they still seem so tiny and how could they really go to school??? ACK! Then, as if all these thoughts weren't bad enough I went to "parent's night" last night.

Oh my GOSH!

I am SO not ready for this. Not really for the girls -- but for me! Just the sheer thought of having to interact with other parents whose children will be in the same classes as the girls struck fear into the core of my being. Why, I have no clue. I felt so totally out of place, I saw other moms there who I went to college with...it just doesn't seem right. It my short 3.5 years as a parent (and as a DHS caseworker) I have discovered that parenting is really more political that politics itself. Why I am so intimidated by this new era in life, I cannot tell you. Hopefully I will look back in a month or so and laugh at myself.

"Our" first day is Friday....Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY!